Advtech : POSITIVE DISCIPLINE

When talking about discipline in schools, modern trends use buzz-words such as 'Positive discipline'; 'Values-based education' and 'Character guides rather than codes of conduct'. The aim of these 'different' or 'new' approaches is to focus on rewarding and encouraging positive behaviour, rather than focusing on punishing negative behaviour. Children learn to cultivate habits, approaches and values, that are not only relevant to the classroom or school grounds, but to society, the adult world, and life. It might be too early to say in some instances, but it appears, through the experiences of teachers, that this 'new' approach is working. Positive discipline is based on the idea that there are no 'bad' children, just 'good and bad' behaviour. The good news is that behaviour can be changed!

Below are a few tips to assist with positive reinforcement when disciplining your child:

Create understanding rather than fear.

Creating fear of punishment in a child to stop them from repeating what they did provides no guarantee that the behaviour will not be repeated. It will however most definitely lead to a sneakier and more secretive reaction: your child will start hiding things from you - which is a sure way of creating distance in the relationship between parent and child. If you explain to a child why 'what they did' was wrong or inappropriate, there's a better chance of them not wanting to do it again. During this engagement, understanding on both sides should be encouraged. The parent also needs to understand why their child did what they did and making an effort to remove the cause of the behavior, rather than punishing the symptom.

Give your child control of his actions… but don't back away from the consequences

Children strive for independence throughout their childhood. Schools reinforce this by teaching independent thinking skills. Yet we fight this important aspect of maturing by trying to control their every action. Rather give your child the power and responsibility to make their own decisions and control their own behaviour. However tough it may, parents must then also follow through on consequences pointed out before the time.

Don't compare

Comparing children to others will encourage them to behave more defensively, resent their actions or themselves and lose confidence in themselves. You will also be accused, verbally or quietly in their hearts, of thinking he or she is not good enough for you. Allow them to own their actions and don't compare their behaviour with other children.

Don't shame your child

Discussing your children's behaviour with others in front of them is not an effective way to express your concern. Rather have such discussions in private. Children don't need to be reprimanded multiple times about the same incident by other individuals. In addition, if your child knows you are discussing them with others, they will never trust you with any sensitive information ever again.

Focus on their good qualities

Nobody likes to be told that they're wrong and people 'shut down' when they are shown to have made a mistake. Phrasing your concerns as constructive criticism is an effective method for self-reflection and behaviour change, depending on the child's level of maturity. Ultimately, the aim is to empower your child to overcome their 'bad' qualities by growing and acting-out their good qualities.